breathe

taking back.

1 comments <3 Jilana at 4:51 PM

Their new album, is very disappointing. Why cant old school still sound old school. Stupid mainstream bandwagon.

0 comments <3 Jilana at 2:52 PM

Hello

it hurts.

0 comments <3 Jilana at 2:14 PM

the saddest love story ever witnessed.

it was all meant to be.

it had to be.

I thought I was ready...

0 comments <3 Jilana at 1:25 PM

I am so proud of myself.

i dont say or recognize that often.

but i am.

i feel after everything that ive gone through in my life,

this is the most difficult.

and i expected it to be.

i prepared myself.

nine months of preparation,

for a lifetime of... life.

i never considered myself a pessimistic person.

i always tried to make myself feel better even when i was going through hell.

i always hid my feelings, i never let them out

unless i felt that it needed to be dealt with.

you know, i bottle so much of it up inside,

that at one point i get to this place where i feel..

sooo depressed, and unsure.

because i never let it out.

i never let it leave me.

all of these feelings from years and years of being held inside,

have never left, old feelings are still there.

and to deal with that all at once,

when just that one little feeling or thought

pushes every other one to the edge.

and bam. downhill from there.

my life just flips.

my persona, my vibe, my facade, just completely does a 180.

im scared, of letting these old feelings get the best of me.

and i dont have anyone to go to.

i dont need anyone to go to.

i have to deal with this on my own.

but is that just another form of keeping it in?

i just dont wanna ruin the opportunities i have right now.

right in front of me.

i dont wanna ruin my chances of having a better life,

and giving emily a good life.

just because i couldnt let these feelings go.

i have to let go.

i dont know.

3 comments <3 Jilana at 1:49 AM

withdrawal's

back to middle school.

teach me how to smile again.

too much.

I want to be rich and I want lots of money
I don’t care about clever I don’t care about funny
I want loads of clothes and fuckloads of diamonds
I heard people die while they are trying to find them

I’ll take my clothes off and it will be shameless
Cos everyone knows that’s how you get famous
I’ll look at the sun and I’ll look in the mirror
I’m on the right track yeah I’m on to a winner

I don’t know what’s right and what’s real anymore
I don’t know how I’m meant to feel anymore
When we think it will all become clear
Cos I’m being taken over by The Fear

Life’s about film stars and less about mothers
It’s all about fast cars and cussing each other
But it doesn’t matter cause I’m packing plastic
and that’s what makes my life so fucking fantastic

And I am a weapon of massive consumption
and its not my fault it’s how I’m program to function
I’ll look at the sun and I’ll look in the mirror
I’m on the right track yeah I’m on to a winner

I don’t know what’s right and what’s real anymore
I don’t know how I’m meant to feel anymore
When we think it will all become clear
Cos I’m being taken over by The Fear

Forget about guns and forget ammunition
Cause I’m killing them all on my own little mission
Now I’m not a saint but I’m not a sinner
Now everything is cool as long as I’m getting thinner

I don’t know what’s right and what’s real anymore
I don’t know how I’m meant to feel anymore
When we think it will all become clear
‘Cause I’m being taken over by fear

i dont know how im meant to feel anymore.

Older Posts

breathe

in.

The Past

taking back.

it hurts.

I thought I was ready...

PICTURESSSS!!! <3

i dont know.

THE FEAR.