i dont wanna be like this all the time, and i feel like im back in high school. my worst and best times ever. i dont know if i feel the same things anymore. i dont have the same outlook on life. i dont know if its better or worse. im even more confused about marriage, and i keep telling myself, i dont have to get married, just because i have a kid. but i dont see myself marrying anyone else other than nikko. i dont know. and it kinda sucks. i never thought id openly feel like this. i mean i dont know if this whole motherhood thing is getting to me, but i just dont know anymore. im sad. i dont know how to feel, or react, or if i should talk about it, i probably shouldnt, but i dont wanna just let it pass. cos thats all we do, is let it go. and forget about it. i think when i feel myself getting too close, i kind of take a step back and think, what am i doing. and i get scared, i never ever thought i would ever be with anyone for this long, and i have been, and still am, and its scary. really scary. i just need help adjusting to this. i think. this just has been on y mind, and i dont know what to do, i feel alone.
thats all.
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